Stupid Laws for Trick-or-Treaters
On the night of All Hallows Eve, a time for trickery, debauchery, upset stomachs and sugar-induced comas, we must all remember what is even more important than our costumes or pillow cases; we must begrudgingly remember stupid laws.
The police have cracked down on fun for wee children all around the country on Halloween with rather ridiculous and spirit-crushing rules laid down by each state to protect the hermits and scrooges in town.
For instance, the big shots in Hollywood decided it was too much work cleaning up Silly String that the kiddos always left on the streets this time of year, and so a law was passed that “Silly String is OFF LIMITS from 12am on October 31st until 12pm on November 1st,” and any offender will be fined a staggering $1,000.
Legally, kids over the age of 12 cannot even participate in the night’s tomfoolery in several Virginia towns. For those of us who will always be short enough to pull off the Oompa Loompa costume, this is totally unfair. Growing up in the great state of Colorado, I was able to stock my candy cabinet on Halloween every year until I was 18, for crying out loud! Not that I didn’t have anything better to do . . .
The stupid laws are not limited to children, either.
In Merryville, Missouri women are banned from wearing corsets, on the pretext that donning the wretchedly uncomfortable things would “deny men the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman,” which apparently all “normal, red-blooded American males” deserve.
Okay, really? What century are we in, and who can I speak to about gender equality issues apparently thriving in Missouri?
Moving on to another place full of southern comfort and asinine legalization, Alabama presents an issue to anyone who believes in idolizing their church leader on Halloween. You cannot pay homage to your priest in this state, for “fraudulently pretending to be a clergyman” will land you a hefty fine and a night in the slammer.
But this is nothing compared to Alabama’s rule that ‘thou shalt not legally don fake or goofy mustaches in church that may or may not make people laugh.’
Come on Alabama, lighten up a little.
Safety comes first, of course, which means absolutely no masks without a permit from the sheriff for residents of Walnut, California.
But wait, I thought a visit to the police station was what parents were trying to avoid their kids from doing on Halloween, right?
Don’t get discouraged though, Halloween can still be a time for celebration! Celebrate the fact that if you don’t live in Durango, you can legally cross-dress, which is always a plus on Halloween.
There is no legalization forbidding the old tradition of trick-or-treating and Halloween parties, but there is one thing you should make it a point to remember before beginning the festivities: your lawyer’s phone number.